More than half, 51%, of singles say they’d move in with a partner sooner than planned to save money, according to a new eharmony report.
And it’s no wonder. Financial experts’ rule-of-thumb is that your housing costs shouldn’t exceed 30% of your income. However, almost half of renters in America reported spending more than that in 2023, according to a recently published U.S. Census report.
If someone you like is willing to ease some of that financial strain, it’s hard to say “no.”
However, moving in with someone is a significant step and probably shouldn’t be made for money reasons, Jessica Small, a marriage counselor and therapist at Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver, Colorado, told CNBC Make It.
“Relationships function best when they are want-based instead of need-based,” she said.
Relationships function best when they are want-based instead of need-based.
Jessica Small
marriage counselor and therapist
It’s best not to consider external pressures when deciding whether or not to cohabitate.
“Living together is a big step in a relationship and ideally you want to be making the choice because you believe that the relationship has the necessary components for a long term partnership, not just because it is convenient, better for financial purposes, or because all the rest of your friends are doing it,” she said.
Before moving in with someone, have an honest conversation about what that step means and what living together will look like. Here are some questions that can help get the conversation started.
How will we divide up household tasks and financial responsibilities?
“The biggest issues that consistently come up for couples living together are inequity in division of labor and general personality differences,” Small said.
Does your partner like to spend more money on fancy weeknight dinners than you? How will you split the paying for groceries or furniture? All this should be discussed before moving in to set realistic expectations.
What are we anxious about?
“People don’t often ask themselves what they will be sacrificing when they move in with their partner and then feel caught off guard and overwhelmed by their experience of grief,” Small said.
It’s not rare or a red flag to miss aspects of living without a romantic partner.
“These feelings are normal and valid, it will be easier to manage these feelings if you are prepared for them and have communicated you might feel this way to your partner,” she said.
What does this next step mean for our relationship?
If one of you sees this as a move toward marriage and the other doesn’t, that should be discussed.
“By asking one another these questions you will have the opportunity to ensure that you are aligned and have appropriate expectations,” Small said.
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